Hello 2019!

Oh my, how are we midway through January already? 2019 SLOW DOWN. Seriously, you are going by way too fast!

Like most people, the start of a new year triggers a desire to evaluate my life and make some goals and changes for the year ahead. Instead of jumping ahead, I thought I’d take a look back at my New Year’s post from 2018 to see what I had written, and imagine my surprise when I discovered… NOTHING! What I thought I wrote last year was actually from January 2017. Geez, where has the time gone?

Back in 2017 I chose a word that I wanted to be my theme for the year. That word was SIMPLIFY. I wanted to simplify our lives: both our belongings and how we spent our time. I wanted to live more intentionally and create time for our priorities. How has that worked out, you ask? Well, I’d say it is still a work in progress! Trying to ensure we don’t have unnecessary "stuff" taking up our time or space in our home is an ongoing battle. 

This year I’ve decided on a word that I think will help me improve in my desire to live a simple and purposeful life, and that word is REFLECT. 

In reading back on my post from 2017, I think the theme of reflection evident there as well. Having time for what is truly important to me is impossible to do without first taking the time to work out what is actually important to me. This year I would like to consciously carve out time to get to know myself a bit better. What are my values and beliefs? How do they define my character and influence my behaviour? How are they reflected in my actions?

I sometimes feel like I am constantly trying to “improve”. How can I be a better mum? How can I be more productive in my day? How can I be kinder towards everyone, even those I don’t know or don't like? And while there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve, there is something implicit in this desire that shows I feel I am lacking… that I’m not kind enough/good enough/productive enough. I need to first stop and accept myself for who I am. I need to be kind and compassionate towards myself, and maybe think in terms of growing instead of improving. (And give up on desire to always be “productive”... it's a ridiculous measure of success.) 

The major tool I have started using in order to reflect more often is journaling. I kept a journal for 10 years straight when I was younger, from about 1998 to 2008. It started when I was an exchange student in France and lasted until my late 20s. I have no idea why I stopped. I probably thought I was “too busy” to write in a journal. Present-day me laughs at the silly single, twenty-something me who thought she knew what “busy” was.

There has been a lot of research on the benefits of journaling. For me, putting my thoughts/fears/worries into words allows me a bit of distance from them. Kind of like when a friend comes to you with a problem, it is very easy to give them good, objective advice. But if I had that same problem I wouldn’t always be able to give myself the same advice, as I’m too emotionally involved. But when I write down my problem, I can see it more objectively, almost as if it has nothing to do with me. I often gain a fresh perspective about something once it is written down that is just not possible when it is a thought swirling around in my head.

I also LOVE going back and reading my journal. There are so many seemingly mundane aspects and moments of life that are easy to forget. But what is life except a series of these moments? I wish I had kept a journal when Ella was born, as that was probably the biggest life-changing moment of my life so far. But regrets are useless, and I did started writing in one again shortly after Ollie was born.  So there will be some record of this time in my life, when my babies were small and wholly dependent on me.

I've written about this before, but this blog has also been great at giving me a way to record our lives since moving to Australia. Of course, it is not as raw or personal as a journal, but it still provides a way for me remember certain events and times in our life. Writing on the blog can also help me put things in perspective as I know others will be reading it, so it helps me to think carefully about my thoughts and emotions.

As always my yoga and meditation practice are also central to becoming a more reflective and mindful mother, wife and friend. I have had a consistent yoga practice for about four years now, but I must admit that meditation has dropped off since Ollie was born. And yoga without meditation is not really yoga. Yoga asana (the physical postures and poses that make up a typical yoga class) is just one of the eight limbs of yoga. Meditation is one of the others, and arguably the most important, although they are all meant to work together. Meditation is the aspect that allows us to quiet our mind, to be in the present moment, to be mindful. So if I truly want to be reflective I will need to make some more time in my life to meditate. (Apologies for this very simplistic overview of yoga - I am hardly an expert. I have nothing against those that practice yoga asana for its physical benefits, although I am starting to become more conscious of how this is an example of cultural appropriation. But this is a much larger discussion and not really one I am ready to tackle on the blog!)

Aaaaaand back to the post. 

2018 was a huge year for us. We completed our little family with our baby boy, which has brought us both immense joy and huge challenges. 2019 is set to bring on a whole new set of challenges with our move to Canada in just seven short weeks. I hope that keeping my focus on self-reflection through journaling, yoga and meditation will give me the tools I need to guide my family though this period of transition. I am of course nervous about the future, but mostly optimistic and hopeful about the opportunities the move will bring.